[ This post is a bit like a Melinda/Melinda--first bit before the '...' is melancholy while the bit after the '...' is happier. Take your pick. ]

So summer is fast approaching. It's apparent everywhere, from the warm breeze to the proliferation of skirts outside, that the arrival of summer is soon, inevitable.

The first time I stepped outside into the sun and balmy air, I was rushed with all these memories, and feelings, and sense of displacement. I feel as though I shouldn't be doing work, cause it's summer and I'm back at work 8 hours a day and back to languishing in my stifling room with no air conditioning.

Then I remember the summer before, when I knew it was going to be the last time we would ever be like that--and I was right. But memory tends to distort with time, and I have to wonder if all the affection I hold for high school is a truth or a carefully pieced together nostalgia.

I know I repeat myself a lot on here about these things, but lately it's been hitting me more than ever, especially after winter break and spring break and seeing how people have really been. I think it's funny that Alfred*, who speaks often about the stand-offish, mean people at his college, is the same way himself, though he would never admit it and it's hard to see that he is unless you look past his polished veneer.

Or the dynamic of the group, which has changed, though people don't wish to acknowledge it.

Or just being back there and having those awkward moments you'd forgotten about in your haste to remember the good times.

Or even the complex world of female relationships, how it's really women who should be planning battle strategies because then there'd be so much more damage with no bloodshed. You forget the behind-your-back gossip and delicate webs which make or break a friendship. Luckily, I never figured prominently in any of the dramas of the group, but I'd definitely been witness first hand to the devastation one silly, stupid action can wreak.

...

Enough with the heavy stuff. Anybody been watching ANTM lately? Naima is the clear favorite for me--she's absolutely gorg and seems to have a lovely personality as well. Unless she does something really stupid like have anorexia or sleep with another man with a boyfriend at home, I think she's good for the win. I wish Brita hadn't been kicked off so quick--I thought she was Vic's Secret model in the flesh.. and I hated how the judges were all like, she's too old and fat. Ridiculous.

What about Alias? I feel like it's gone downhill this season, cause Abrams wants to bring in more viewers with a less complex storyline. But honestly, how many times can someone pretend to die before it gets old? I don't know. I bet next thing you know Lauren will be up and at 'em. I wouldn't put it past 'em.

Have read a lot lately.. my new favorite book is A Great and Terrible Beauty by Libba Bray. Another young adult book (cause those are the only ones worth reading) which features good momentum right from the beginning.

Also! Went to library to volunteer Friday and on my way out, encountered Alex (cute older boy with girlfriend) and we talked for a bit. He gave me a birthday kiss (on the cheek) and I felt it was time to ask why we hadn't hung out outside the library. He said, "It's all up to you, kid," and that we should schedule something soon. That'll be good for the summer, I think.

Okay, question.. when we say goodbye, he usually kisses me on the cheek, and my face is obviously turned a little so that it's awkward for me to kiss his cheek at the same time. Is that okay? Am I supposed to kiss him on the other cheek? Or just accept the kiss, and be done with it?

Ha, remembering moment from Cowgirls, bar in W. Village on Fri night, where this fifty-year old man looks over at us and says to his similarly age-possessed friends, "They're so young!!" For some reason Billy seemed to take much offense at this, but whatev, he was just jealous of our youth.

P.S. Note to self: is definitely not skirt-at-night weather yet. Remember this when you are walking around outside with your cute little spring cardigan and summery white skirt and flip flops and having random strangers come up to you and ask you to feel their muscles.